Meat News! Volume 16 - Merry Meaticus! Standard | ||||
Felicitations! Merry Meaticas! That just rolls of the tongue, doesn’t it!?! And it should, because I have declared that Meaticas in the new, greatest, holiday-of-the-season, and everyone should take a moment and observe it. This time of year is getting crowded with holidays, and we are way overdue for some consolidation in the celebration industry. That is where Meaticas steps in with the power to unite the lesser holidays with its one, all encompassing tenet—outrageous, guilt-free, consumerism!(with an emphasis on the over-consumption of meat) Too often we hear how the spirit of the season has been hijacked by commercial interests, it causes us to lose site of the one thing that truly unites everyone; buying useless crap that we don’t need, makes us feel good. Sure this may seem shallow and fleeting, but, other than a tequila hangover, what isn’t fleeting? At least during the 15 days of Meaticas (that’s right, Meaticas is the longest consumption-fest ever), every time the feel-good buzz from another purchase of a case of barbecue sauce wears off, you can just buy something else, that’s personal enrichment I tell ya. Those of us here at the Meaticas Promotion Foundation are working hard to make Meaticus a fully government funded holiday. That means we can all stroke our feelings of entitlement while spending to our hearts’ consent. It will work just like a stimulus package, a stimulus for the soul. The Scrooges among us may say that such a plan would only condemn our children to pay for our excess through higher taxes. As an owner of two small children myself, I know that if I could somehow get a case of whiskey delivered to my door once a week now, with the bill sent to my kids in 15 years, I’d take it in a heart-beat. I’m sure both of us deserve it. It will teach our children a valuable lesson in fiscal responsibility fostering a “pay it backwards” feeling of good will to their elders. There are a lot of governments to win over before this dream of ours becomes a reality, so we are starting with Turkmenistan, we figure any country that once renamed bread in honor of the ruler’s mother should be an easy place to pitch Meaticas. Once we get them on board, the rest should fall, like meaty dominoes. You can start celebrating Meaticus today, all you need to get into the spirit is an order for way more meat than you could ever possibly need. And that, my fellow celebrants, is just what we provide! | ||||
Awesome 12 Hour Sale!! 12/15 22:00 to 12/16 10:00 For twelve hours only we are giving away the proverbial farm, just our way of saying Happy Meaticas!
FREE TURKEY DRUMSTICKS WITH ANY PURCHASE! JUST WRITE "MEATICAS FELICIATAS" IN THE COMMENTS SECTION WHEN YOU CHECKOUT AND WE'LL GIVE YOU A PACK OF SMOKED DRUMSTICKS FOR FREE! NO STRINGS! ONE PER CUSTOMER PLEASE! Simply judging by the number of explanation marks, these must be some great deals! | ||||
More Meat Guy: |
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
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