|Meat News! Volume 14, Economista!|
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The economy is not your friend. I’ve been watching a lot of it on TV recently and I don’t like it very much. I live in kind of a bubble, a bubble of meat. In my bubble everything is OK, but when I watch the tube it tells me that the whole word economy is going to hell in a meatbag. There are economists talking about the economy, as they do, and they never say anything nice. If I were the economy and I heard all these people saying bad things about me all the time, I’d probably feel a little down as well, even if there wasn’t anything really wrong with me.
I don’t claim to be an expert on the economy, but I did
I never hear any of the TV economists make any constructive suggestions. It seems to me that if the current economy, what with its bankruptcies, mortgage problems, and unemployment is bringing us down, then maybe we need us a new economy. I propose a meat economy! Get rid of money, it’s cumbersome to count and inedible, let’s just start using meat for everything. You really can trade meat for anything and a little meat in your pocket will put a bounce in her step. The best part is that greed, while not completely removed from the equation, would be limited to the size of a stomach. You sure wouldn’t have guys like Bernie Madoff stealing billions of pounds of meat, he’d be too stuffed to move and his neighbors would probably start calling the health department when he took more than he really needed.
My meat-as-currency idea is really likely to take off, I have a pretty good sense about these things. For example, I’ve predicted the future popularity of hip-waders, just watch, as the oceans rise, hip waders are going to be the next must-have fashion accessory. Corner the market now if you can. Going back to meat, you are probably wondering what you can do to get started in the new economy. Well, to help you out we have started our very own meat currency exchange. You can turn in all your old Yen (you won’t be needing that messy stuff anymore) and we’ll exchange it into meat - the tasty, tender, legal tender! We figure you’ll probably want to get enough meat to last you for awhile so we’ve come up with a few products, I mean currency, that currently have very favorable yen/meat exchange rates:
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