Meat New Volume 14 - Economista!

Meat News! Volume 14, Economista! Standard disclaimer and un-subscribe info: This is a newsletter that is being sent to you because I thought you might be interested or because you requested a subscription. If you are not interested, the unsubscribe link at the bottom of the page will send us away for ever. If you are not interested, have told me so but are still receiving this letter it is because I’m an idiot, sorry!

The economy is not your friend. I’ve been watching a lot of it on TV recently and I don’t like it very much. I live in kind of a bubble, a bubble of meat. In my bubble everything is OK, but when I watch the tube it tells me that the whole word economy is going to hell in a meatbag. There are economists talking about the economy, as they do, and they never say anything nice. If I were the economy and I heard all these people saying bad things about me all the time, I’d probably feel a little down as well, even if there wasn’t anything really wrong with me. I don’t claim to be an expert on the economy, but I did sit snooze through a couple economics classes in college and I learned a thing or two. Well, actually I learned a thing, the supply-demand thing. I figure that once you know supply-demand you can pretty much figure out how everything else works, economically. It’s kind of like understanding how a cash-bar works; easy, fast, and predictable. That is until the bartender gets drunk and girls start flashing for drinks. It seems like we had a bunch of drunken sorority girls running around Wall Street the last few years and now we are all in a bit of a pickle. I never hear any of the TV economists make any constructive suggestions. It seems to me that if the current economy, what with its bankruptcies, mortgage problems, and unemployment is bringing us down, then maybe we need us a new economy. I propose a meat economy! Get rid of money, it’s cumbersome to count and inedible, let’s just start using meat for everything. You really can trade meat for anything and a little meat in your pocket will put a bounce in her step. The best part is that greed, while not completely removed from the equation, would be limited to the size of a stomach. You sure wouldn’t have guys like Bernie Madoff stealing billions of pounds of meat, he’d be too stuffed to move and his neighbors would probably start calling the health department when he took more than he really needed. My meat-as-currency idea is really likely to take off, I have a pretty good sense about these things. For example, I’ve predicted the future popularity of hip-waders, just watch, as the oceans rise, hip waders are going to be the next must-have fashion accessory. Corner the market now if you can. Going back to meat, you are probably wondering what you can do to get started in the new economy. Well, to help you out we have started our very own meat currency exchange. You can turn in all your old Yen (you won’t be needing that messy stuff anymore) and we’ll exchange it into meat - the tasty, tender, legal tender! We figure you’ll probably want to get enough meat to last you for awhile so we’ve come up with a few products, I mean currency, that currently have very favorable yen/meat exchange rates:

Wild Boar Yaki Niku Thinly sliced wild boar. These are real, natural, untamed piggies from Texas. Wild boar tastes like lean pork but with some flavor. It's great on the grill with dipping sauce, this is sliced thin enough you can even use it for shabu shabu. Frozen Product ID D220 Size 300gm Price 590Yen/pc Cost 590yen Iberico Yaki Niku Super marbled Iberico pork sliced up and ready for the grill. This is perhaps the best pork at the best price anywhere. Frozen Product ID P123a Size 400gm Price 980Yen/pc Cost 980yen Polish Sausage Farmland hickory smoked Polish Sausage, these are pre-cooked and ready for the bun. The package says "Taste the Flavor Burst!" - whatever that means... 1 pack has 5 sausages. Frozen Product ID D220 Size 300gm Price 590Yen/pc Cost 590yen

If you order by Friday, the 17th, and write "Free Cheesecake" in the comments section, we'll send you a mini-cheesecake Free!

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We're gonna be on TV

Yesterday a TV crew from Osaka paid us a visit.  They had found our spicy sausage patties in the Rakkuten rankings and wanted to film us making them.  It gave us a good excuse to clean the office and processing room.  Not that the processing room was unclean by any stretch of the imagination (I make the workers keep it spotless), but my desk took about a half a day to get down to the wood. 

Everybody says that if you see what goes into a sausage you’ll stop eating them.  I disagree with that.  That may be true for your run of the mill weenie on a stick, but we put some pretty good stuff in our snags and I don’t mind showing that off.  We use a special kind of chilled pork called SPF, which stand for Specific Pathogen Free, which means it comes from animals that are raised to be free of most of the diseases that are common in pigs, thus reducing or eliminating the need for antibiotics or chemicals.  SPF pork tends to have very negligible residues.  We only use the whole muscle leg meat and back fat, never any trimmings, and starch, sugar, salt (including Italian sea salt), and spices – many of which we grind ourselves.  We don’t add any nitrates or artificial “stuff”, although sometimes we might use an ingredient that has some artificial “stuff” in it. 

It’s not so much that I personally have any problem consuming chemicals, I’ve got a bottle of something called Pepsi Zero, sitting in front of me right now and I have no idea what in the hell is in that but I’m drinking it anyway.  It’s just that listing chemicals on a label is a big chore and I’d rather not be bothered – it turns out that a lot of folks like their sausages all-natural so my laziness works out good like that.

I was kind of hoping that there might be a hot chick involved in this whole TV filming thing, but I guess they keep those locked up in the studio, I only got a camera man and a director.  They took some shots of us grinding some pork, mixing some spices, and cooking up some patties on the grill.  And they interviewed me and since I didn’t really understand the questions I just talked.

I tried my best to be a Panda.  I read an interview one time with one of the Gaijin “Talento” who talked about how the Japanese like their foreigners to be like panda bears – different, cuddly and definitely NOT scary.  I think I came across more like a monkey than a panda, better luck next time I guess.

            You can see the whole two minutes on Saturday, May 30^th, sometime between 7:30 and 9:25 (probably around 8:20), on Shitoko Mainichi Hosou, TBS Channel 5.